red envelopes and ornament stamps || Christmas time is here

It being Christmas-time and all (a shout-out to my Jewish friends — Happy Hanukkah!), it seemed a fitting time to dash a little holiday cheer up on

Last year, I showed you how to narrowly avoid electrocuting yourself while decorating your tiny apartment. This year, I give you something a little less dangerous, a little less perilous, and lot more glittery.

(1) When shopping for holiday cards, make sure you find ones with as much glitter as possible coated on it. This ensures a proper glitter-to-hands ratio will be achieved when opened by the unsuspecting letter-receiver.

(2) Inscribe the inside with the following message:

“Happy Holidays! Good luck with all the glitter. Love, anya”

(3) Sign your own name in the signature slot. Or mine. Or another nom de plume. Whatever most thrills you.

(4) Address, stamp, curlicue and decorate your envelopes with as much festive glory as you can muster.

(5) Eat many chocolate peppermint brownies to sustain you through the long process.

(6) Think about other delicious holiday treats.

(7) Briefly consider baking some more such sweet treats. To share. With other people. Naturally.

(8) Remember this was the last thing you baked, and vow to never again subject humanity to such things.

(9) Finish adorning the last envelope.

(10) Attempt to remove glitter remnants from your hands by rubbing hands against jeans.

(11) Attempt to remove glitter remnants from your jeans but rubbing hands against jeans.

(12) Give up and decide to go with the excuse: “Just getting in the Christmas spirit!”

(13) Walk to the closest mailbox.

(14) Be mildly perturbed there is so much graffiti splashed across the happy blue box.

(15) Notice the green letter and heart graphic mixed in with the graffiti.

(16) Decide it’s a Christmas miracle.

(17) Return home to try your hand at baking again.

(18) Hope that that too will be a Christmas miracle.

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