This is your brain on numbers:

390asdllknwevlk9120954982nasdlnsagvlknasdwi2k1-18ng;as93na;sldg

Garbled, fuzzy, and unclear.

I’ve operated within tiny little Excel spreadsheet cells for the better part of today, transcribing numbers and dates and mixed arrangements of letters from paper to the digital world.

My brain is numb.

If I had a band, my first album would be self-titled. Because that’s what you do. And my second album would be called, “Numb by Numbers.”

It would be dedicated to this day. The day my brain went totally numb and no amount of caffeine would revive it. Not quite as memorable as the day the music died, but nonetheless.

Another example of how numbers are out to get me:

Yesterday, I realized that the calendar icon on my fancy phone changes to reflect the current date.

Thirty days of iPhone ownership and it never registered in my soggy brain that the big number up there changes.

Every. single. day.

Unobservant, party of one?

I’m not sure I can go on like this.

Someone please send help in the form of coffee and chocolate ASAP.