This is totally safe.

Collectively, my siblings and I have 85 years of life under our belts. That’s a lifetime of totally safe behavior.

And when you live thousands of miles away from any major body of water, you have to create your own surfing opportunities.

If that means standing in a red, Radio Flyer wagon and having your brother whip you around in a not-even-close near-perfect  imitation of ocean waves, so be it.

For only 40 cents per carton, you too can discover the psychedelic residue that graces a near-empty cup of instant noodles.

This neon yellow adhered to every nick in the Styrofoam cup after my desk lunch Sunday.

There’s cheap and convenient.

Then there’s necessary Hazmat intervention.